transition

So, as of Friday, it seems I'm now in "transition" and will be leaving Aqueduct at the end of the year, which means I will also be moving out of my house. After months of dialogue about what my role is here anymore and what it would look like going forward, knowing that I would probably be leaving next summer, Drew & Liza are pushing me out of the nest, which really needed to happen. While I didn't quit my job and this isn't happening on my timetable (isn't that how it usually happens?), it was definitely a mutual understanding and agreement. SO! This also means that I have been given an opportunity to relax and breathe and move on to a new chapter in my life. It's definitely bittersweet and it feels a little surreal to be here at work right now knowing that I'm on a countdown now. But, the truth is, and if you and I have had any conversations at all in the last six months then you know I haven't been happy for a while and I've really just been waiting for something else to open up. My heart is for ministry, not for business. It's for people, not for selling dates on my calendar. I served my family well during the time they needed me, and I've helped with the transition of new ownership, and now they're ready to do it on their own. In the meantime, I have also thought to myself (before this went down), "The end of the year would be a good time for me to go." Even last Tuesday, I stood in my field and cried, saying, "Lord, PLEASE let something just fall out of the sky." That evening, I heard Him say in my spirit, "Are you ready to surrender to me again?" And three days later I was sitting in my bosses' office hearing words like "lay off" and "This is so hard for us to do." I really see it as a gift and there is no doubt in my mind that the Lord has orchestrated this. I know Drew & Liza made the best decision they could on my behalf as well as for the business of Aqueduct. The truth is, Aqueduct is changing and I'm a part of the "old" Aqueduct. I'm not meant to be a part of the new. Now then, while I sound an awful lot like Snow White right now ("I've been fired and am leaving the only home I've ever known! Isn't it WONDERFUL!"), I will not go into detail about the resentment I am working very hard not to build, creating a world inside my head that may or may not be true.

When I called my family on Friday afternoon (I left work early), I was especially surprised to hear the excitement in Sarah Hope's voice - she was THRILLED that, not only does she have a house-full of furniture to pick and choose from (she just closed on a townhouse on Thursday), BUT NOW she has someone who can help her paint her house and help with the baby! And so, it looks like that -at least temporarily- I will move to Greenville to live with Sarah Hope and my new niece! I'm surprised by how excited I feel about this.

Some of you know I have been pursuing a school in California. It's the only thing I have in front of me right now, though I am certainly open to whatever -and wherever- God wants to send me. California might not be it. But if I continue down this road, I will likely leave Sarah Hope's to help my dad in Nashville until I officially depart for California. I feel funny even explaining this part because I know better than to really make long-term plans and I haven't even finished applying to the school. BUT...if this is how it all goes down, then I only have a few weeks left in The Hill, my hometown, the place that I love. I can't imagine leaving Chapel Hill forever. It will always be my home. But I'm the last of my family who is here, so Christmases will be spent in either Nashville or Kinston, at least until or unless I have a family of my own. And so, I don't expect to get to see everyone I know and love before I go, but I hope I run into you the way we have for the last 30 years. Because that's how it is with us.